


sidelines

by WildKitte



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, Loneliness, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 10:11:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7973074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildKitte/pseuds/WildKitte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Narita quits the club in his third year.</p>
<p>  <i>Every night, every night he dreams of the court, the squeaking soles of his shoes, the clammy skin of volleyball against his skin, the absolute trust that his team is there for him.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	sidelines

**Author's Note:**

  * For [museicalitea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/museicalitea/gifts).



> This is based on museicalitea's headcanon of Narita quitting the club - just such a deliciously angsty idea.  
> Shamelessly self-indulgent.

 

Coming from prep school, Narita has to walk past the school. His home is the opposite way from prep school and Karasuno happens to fall uncomfortably in the middle.

 

He loathes it. He tends to take detours, zigzagging between buildings and trespassing a few front yards; but tonight he's tired and for once can't bother to care, so Narita trots past the painfully familiar gym building, desperately hoping he won't encounter anyone on the way.

 

But, as fate would have it, he sees them that night.

 

Or rather, he hears them before he sees them.

It's been two months since he left the club and hearing their voices opens up a can of crawling cockroaches roaming all over his skin.

 

Behind the corner, they appear in the line of his sight.

Every thought in his head collectively snuffs out.

 

 

There are nine of them; two first years, Ennoshita, Kinoshita, Nishinoya, Tanaka, Hinata, Kageyama and Yachi. They're a rambunctious lot – they yell and quarrel and, in the case of Noya and Hinata, jump up and down wildly. Ennoshita looks exasperatedly fond and the two first years look like they're not exactly sure they should be there (Narita can relate to that feeling). Hinata yells ' _pork buns_ ' and Tanaka hollers an affirmative. Kinoshita snickers to Ennoshita.

Cold sweat breaks out on Narita's upper lip. Narita's steps halt and for a split second he considers raising his gaze from the ground, raising his hand from being clenched in a fist on his side, raising his voice to be heard, but something holds him back.

 

Narita has never felt quite like this before. The loneliness is something new. Being lonely, that he knows of, being the side character of your entire life, always watching scenes unfolding from the sidelines, never truly connecting, clicking like everyone else. Feeling detached, that he knows of. But this hollow feeling in his chest is something else. It's like something is being sucked out of him with silence. Every breath is draining, every step is heavier, every shadow is darker, every lonely hour even lonelier and at night it feels like he's sinking in his bed, the blankets bury him deep in sleepless slumber and he regrets.

 

There's a monster in his stomach.

It's gnawing on his guts and it whispers, even now, _look at them, they are better off without you_ , and he looks down, at his feet and the ground, walking faster, _agrees_.

 

 

His feet are dragging, his breaths are shallow and quiet. Narita wants to turn invisible the closer he comes to the group. Maybe if he holds his breath long enough, he will.

 

Side to side. They are close, the road is narrow, and their presence is strong. Murder of crows, they are indeed. Narita is swarmed with nostalgia, of hours spent practicing flying falls, drills of receiving and serving and spiking, their familiar voices bouncing off the echoing walls of the gym, encouragements and cheers of joy – so he looks up.

 

 

Kinoshita looks back.

 

Narita freezes. It's a fleeting moment, Kinoshita's eyes widen and his mouth opens and Narita feels the telltale blush rising on his cheeks.

It's shame.

 

His stomach churns and he wants to chase away Kinoshita's stare and he wants to take a step forward and say words and he wants to see their reaction as they collectively turn their heads to look at him, the surprise in their eyes, the delight – _or,_ his mind sneers, _the disdain, the betrayal and judgement_.

In the end, Kinoshita doesn't say anything. Narita averts his gaze. It's all over in seconds.

 

He hears Kinoshita make some kind of noise in his throat, like he's swallowing down a name, and he doesn't have the courage to turn around. He doesn't want to see heads turn, eyes widen, the deafening silence that follows.

 

The noises continue and Tanaka gets even louder, followed by a smack and laughter. Narita speeds up and doesn't look back.

 

 

Every night, every night he dreams of the court, the squeaking soles of his shoes, the clammy skin of volleyball against his skin, the absolute trust that his team is there for him.

 

He doesn't know why.

 

 

( _He does. The why is in the shaking of his fingers when he hands his resignation form to Ennoshita. It's in their surprised, betrayed expressions and their assurance that he can come back any time. It's in the way their conversation dies down when he approaches because they don't want to hurt_ his _feelings, in the way they just accept Narita's excuse to eat lunch elsewhere, walk home alone, not calling Kinoshita after prep school, looking past them without looking them in the eye. It's in the way a sunshine smile withers away and disappears beneath a frown. It's the way his best friend won't call his name even when their eyes meet._ )

 

 

_Do they ever miss me_ , he wonders, the asphalt hard and cold under his feet.

Obviously, says the more selfish part of him.

Hardly, says the pathetic one, you were never any good anyway.

 

**Author's Note:**

> twitter [@wildkitte](https://twitter.com/wildkitte)  
> tumblr [@wildkittewrites](http://wildkittewrites.tumblr.com/)


End file.
